To the Brim
by Mood-Swing-Swing
Summary: "I would never admit it out loud. Not even out loud to myself. I always thought if I were to say it out loud, I'd truly become confused about it and maybe soon become irritated by such a feeling as this. -This is the end. I'm filled to the brim, because in all's honesty, I have no clue to how I feel about you. America, you drive my fucking crazy." USxUK. ONESHOT.


I would never admit it out loud. Not even out loud to myself. I always thought if I were to say it out loud, I'd truly become confused about it and maybe soon become irritated by such a feeling as this. I was- no, _am_ afraid to say it publicly, so I keep as an 'inside-feeling', a feeling I'd only admit within my mind, and possibly my heart.

I use this mask, this costume to hide my feelings. This attitude towards you was only a façade. Not _was, still_ is a façade. It's just a white sheet to hide myself from you. These childish and foolish bickerings with you are always adventures for me. Your concepts of the ideas we fight about are really stupid but still tell me how much you care for such things. It shows me how dedicated you are and how passionate you feel for such things. I only wish for you to feel that way about me.

There are many things I'd do for you. I'd rub your feet like maid. I'd chase an eagle just for you. I would even tuck you at night and read you a book while you fall asleep to my voice. I would even sell my country to you (myself), just so you'd realize how much I do care. I'd do just about anything for you. But all of these things can never happen. It is way out of my character to do one simple thing such as one of these. Some things that just can't be done because our current relationship is not quite right at the moment. They say America and England have a _special _relationship. That is such an astonishing calumniation.

* * *

Is it wrong for me to call you beautiful? Charming? Gorgeous? Common adjectives to describe a woman you fancy, but of course you are not a woman. You are a full grown man with the duty of a country. You have the strength to stop a bull and even stop a war. That's how much you are to me. Everything about you shouts bright colors. Your bleach blond hair reflects the colors of the sun; bright and radiant. That little strand of hair that refuses to stay down is a metaphor of you; never giving up, never backing down, full of strength, pride and power (exactly what I used to be in my pirating days) now you have taken that role for me.

Your oceanic blue eyes are the perfect shade to match the color of your hair. I can see my own reflection clearly through them. Your eyes have two different shades. The brighter shade of blue is when you're happy, jumpy or even being childish. It is when you are the best of your personalities. You feel as if you can reach anything in the universe, doing the impossible. The shade that tells everyone you that you are in a giddy groove and is going to do the 'hockey-pokey' like you just don't care. The other shade is a darker one. Like a shadow of darkness. Your eyes only change to this color when you feel upset, depressed, even alone. It appears when you're angry, when you're dead serious about something. It's a look that can scare and even kill. I get this look from you once in a while. It scares me to the bone. Sometimes I even feel like you're seriously are going to kill me with that stare of death. When I look into those dark blue eyes, I can feel you reaching into my soul, ready to strangle it to death. Of course I'd never let you do that. I wouldn't let you kill me unless I dragged you with me. I can't live without you.

You tan skin is simply just tan. Your tan is not a sunburn tan, but a light, pale tan (if that's even possible). It also shines and reflects the suns' rays of light. I have an unhealthy obsession of wanting to touch and stoke your skin. Go ahead and sue me, you'll never know because I'll never tell you.

* * *

Sometimes I wonder; "are you hiding you true feelings about me, from me?" "Can you feel my _feels _for you?" "Do you love me? Can you love me? Will you ever?"

Of course I will never ask these questions to you. Like I said, it's not my character to ask you this, nor is it yours. I just want this to work out. It would make me happy if you showed me something you'd never shown anybody. If it was only a fraction of a second, I'd still be happy. Anything, just anything. I am getting quite desperate here.

* * *

I think I'm going crazy. I'm doing things I would never have done. I ate a hamburger for bloody heaven's sake. Just because you asked me to, I did it. I did just for you. I haven't drank tea for a week now and have been drinking coffee for three days now, every morning I wake up. _Bloody hell, America! _Just what the sodding hell have you done to me?! I'm not me. I changed to be someone I'm not! _You _changed me to be someone I never should be! You even made me become happier(?) even nicer too. Is this all your fault or am I just changing for you? Do you think I wanted this? Are you at fault for making me feel this way?

I don't know anymore. I just don't, not anymore. I'm getting more confused by the day. I'm even starting to feel disgusted at myself for feeling this way towards you. I never even admitted anything out loud yet and here I am, feeling confused, frustrated, disgustingly irritated. What have I done wrong?

* * *

If I wrote you a letter, would you read it? Would you be excited that it's from me and rip it open at the sight of my name or, would you toss it aside with your trash? If I sent you a gift, would you open it instantly or would you throw it away? If I gave you my heart (not literally, mind you), would you keep it? Would you even give yours to me? Or would you crush it with just two fingers? If I did any of these, would you do anything in return? Or would this all scare you?

Do you hate me? Do you love me? Or is it, do you _like_ me? In between? Nowhere close? Totally falling? Which one is it? Would you be able to tell me with one sentence? Can you answer all these questions with five words or less? _Do you even care? Or is it that you have feelings for someone else? _Could it be japan? Or is it Lithuania? Maybe China? Or is it Italy? Possibly Germany? That bastard you call; commie-Russia? Hopefully not France, dear god no. or is it a human? God, I sound so annoying right now. I'm even annoying myself by asking all these questions. This is what you have turned me into; an annoying country filled with jealousy and confusion. This is your entire fault. I blame you.

* * *

This is the end. I'm filled to the brim. All these feelings I've bottled inside are crying to be spilled. They claw at the door of my heart, crying to be let out, and I'm at the edge of the cliff. I have no more patience to withhold so many feelings inside this tiny heart of mine. I'm letting them all out. I'll speak from the heart. I'll be someone I'm not. I'll call you "love" and tease you, even if you hate me after this. I'll do what my heart tells me to. I'll do it because in all's honesty, I have no clue to how I feel about you. So I'm going to let it out, say it from the heart. Be the "nice" person this time. Torture you for one last time; because, America, you drive my _fucking crazy. _ And to end it with a cherry on top,

I love you


End file.
